Maybe Memories
by PotatoKraken
Summary: Even in death, Severus never expected to find peace. But an old friend changes his feelings. After death story. R


Severus Snape wasn't sure what exactly was going on. A moment ago, he'd been laying on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, slowly losing his senses due to Nagini's poison. He'd been trying to convey a strangled message to Potter, though the Dark Lords pet had mangled his throat. He recalled giving the boy a very important strand of his memories. Then everything was fading, and he had just stared into those bottle green eyes as his mind slowly quieted. The pain that had been ensnaring his senses was gone.

He could feel deaths icy cold hands wrap themselves around him, the skeletal fingers lifting him up into the beyond. And then, nothing…

Severus had accepted Death. It was a journey he had long been prepared to face. Ever since the day he had been told of the passing of his greatest love, he had all but welcomed it. He had no idea what lay beyond, but Dumbledore had always said "Death is but the next great adventure."

But now, it didn't feel as if he was dead at all. He could distinctly feel the soft cushioned seat of a moving train. He could hear the whistle blowing and the sound of the metal wheels on the tracks. What on earth was going on?

"Severus? Oh do hurry and wake up!"

That voice…it sounded so familiar. Slowly, Severus raised his eyelids. He gasped and nearly rolled out of the seat he had been laying on. For he had awoken to the sight of a pair of bottle green eyes. But these were not the eyes of the boy who resembled his most hated rival, but carried the imitation of his hearts desire in his eyes, these were…

"Lily?'

There she sat, like a living memory before him. Her soft red hair flowing gracefully around her stunning face. Lily Evans, well, Potter. "Hello, Severus." she greeted him "It's been a long time."

The former potions master sat up abruptly. Was this some kind of insane dream? He'd been brutally mutilated by a deadly python to the last of his knowledge.

At this realization, his hand snapped to his neck. There was not a single scratch, just smooth, unmarked skin. He turned his gaze back to the women who sat across from him in the brightly lit compartment of what he now recognized to be the Hogwarts Express.

Lily looked the same as she had when they were young. No older then thirteen. Snape was rather taken a back. Was he reliving a memory? "You look confused, Severus.'

Of course he was confused. No, this couldn't be a memory. He himself was not a child as was the spectral display before him, but as he was moments before he'd lost consciousness. But here she was, exactly as she was in his memories. "I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

'Not quite." She answered with a nervous giggle "I'm afraid you aren't going to wake up from this one."

Severus blinked. So he was dead. Everything started settling in his mind. "so…where exactly am I then?" he probed, looking about at his surroundings.

Lily smiled softly "You're, as we say, passing on."

There was a single window in the compartment. Severus stood and looked out it. There wasn't anything to look at, just a vast, unending expanse of colorless white. "I am?"

"Yes. Normally, when you die, you wait at the station. There, you are able to make the decision to pass or to turn back and remain a ghost. I dare say, you would have been the new Slytherin House ghost had you turned back!" Lily explained.

Things were becoming quite clear. He, of course, would never have wanted to stay behind. Not even during the agonizing pain of death had he fought to survive. He was ready to greet death as if an old friend. Lily continued "The train looks different to everyone. For myself and James, it also looked like the Express. For Sirius, it was his motorbike."

Severus seated himself again. So he was going on? "Why are you here, Lily?"

She looked taken a back for a moment. "Blimey! I wanted to be the first to greet you, of course!" she proclaimed.

The old potion's master just stared at her, locked in her bottle green eyes. Every memory he'd shared with her, every emotion, every deed he'd done in her name swam in them. The moment they had first met, the days they'd spent together as children, the happiness. But also the day they'd been torn apart by adolescent stupidity on his part, learning she was marked for death, the heart wrenching grief.

He hadn't realized there were tears slipping down his cheeks or that sobs had started racking his body. His head found a rest in his hands and he began to weep. "Lily…how can I ever…"

The realization of where he was and that the specter before him WAS Lily was almost too much. He took gasping breaths clutching his hair. He could never dare ask her to forgive him for the things he'd done. 'Oh, come now, Sev! I'll have none of that!"

But Snape couldn't stop. He hadn't shed even a single tear, save for Dumbledore's passing, in sixteen years. The last time he had allowed himself these kind of emotions was the night Voldemort had taken the last light of hope from his life. He felt hands place themselves around his shoulders, drawing him into a comforting embrace. His head fell onto her shoulder, shaking violently. "come on, Sev! You know I forgive you! After everything you did for Harry…"

Finally, Severus unstuck his throat. "But…after all that happened…'

Lily chuckled "Don't be ridiculous." she insisted, pulling him upright and wiping his eyes "You protected Harry and made sure he lived to today."

That wasn't much of a comfort. "So I stood by and helped prepare your son for death?" Snape groaned, trying to quell his grief "I protected him just so he could die at the opportune moment? _That's _all I've done for him."

Lily shook her head. 'I know it was hard for you. To look at Harry and see James." She spoke softly "I know you always wished it had been…"

She didn't finish her sentence. Severus didn't want her to. It was something that went unsaid, really. Lily knew he loathed the boy because he was James' and not his. Even if Snape had grown some what fond of the boy, his hatred for James, no, for himself got in the way of everything else.

"I don't blame you, Sev." Lily smiled at him, hugging him close to her 'You did such a good job."

Severus returned the hug, reluctantly at first, but then tightly. A wave of comfort and relief washed over him. Everything was over. He had done everything he could, living his life for Harry and seeing that he was as prepared as one could ever be for death. Finally, it was over.

It was over…and Lily forgave him.

When the two broke apart, Severus' lip twitched into a bit of a smile. Before he could say anything else, there was a soft tap on the door. 'Lily, dearest?" Came the sound of a familiar voice "Is it safe to come in?"

Before an answer was given, the compartment door slid open. A fully grown James Potter stepped through the threshold. It was remarkable just how much Harry had grown to resemble the man before him. If not for the eyes, they could be twins rather then father and son. "Hello Snivelles!" he said jovially.

Snape wrinkled his nose and ground his teeth indigently. So much for a warm welcome. Lily looked sternly up at him. 'Now James, you promised to make him feel welcome!"

James chuckled at being chastised. "Old time's sake, Lily, darling." he said, turning his attention to the piercing black eyes of his old rival.

And then, he did something unexpected. He hugged him. "Thanks for taking care of our boy, Severus." he said, embracing him like an old friend "And I'm truly sorry for everything. You really were the better man, mate."

Snape was dumbstruck. He? The better man? Impossible. Hearing this from him of all people. Almost as if…

Severus returned the embrace. For the first time, James was being sincere to him. He didn't know how he knew, but he could just feel it.

The two men let go after a moment. Snape looked much different now. His face no longer had hair or wrinkles, his skin was smooth and his eyes just a bit brighter. He had regressed into the image of his thirteen year old self, wearing his old school robes and all. And there was James, exactly as he'd been at thirteen. The image of his son.

James extended his hand. "Mates?"

Severus nodded and took the hand. "Mates."

Lily was tearing up a bit. "Even though it took dying, I'm so happy to see my best friend and husband finally getting on." she beamed.

"Come on, Snivelles!" James laughed "Moony and Padfoot are waitin to show you around!"

Severus hesitated. He wasn't so sure he wanted to see Remus and Sirius. "Don't worry Sev." Lily reassured "They don't blame you either."

Confident for the first time since his childhood, Severus took the hands of James and Lily Potter and, together, they stepped out of the compartment door and into the all encompassing light.


End file.
